Let go.

Tonight I let go of people I love dearly.  It's so not good to hold on.  It's not fair and it hurts.

I want to love them... but I can't (in my humanness).  I can't love what is so bad.  Treating people with such contempt is so very wrong.  Lord, help me to rise out of this pit, and to find hope and healing beyond all of this.  Am I really not loving unconditionally?  Is there something so sinister inside of me that I'm missing?  Lord, please show me the truth.

I know I can't change them.  I can't change the contempt in her heart.  I can't change the deep, deep pain.  Pain that's existed from long before I ever became aware of it.  I don't get it.  I want to scream...!!!  Lord, please forgive me.

There is no way I can ever make up for the wrongs she feels I've committed.  It's hopeless.  I couldn't, even if I wanted to.  There is a terrible fear that I have.  I'm afraid of her abuse.  I'm afraid of losing things... and people... that are precious to me.  I'm afraid of losing who I am, and who You've called me to be.

God, please help me to trust You.

I have so many questions.  I get accusations (over and over and over again) and not a single answer.

It's cruel.

I feel so bad.

Don't be foolish.

Let go.

See...

I can't tell what it is, but my eyes long to see.  My heart longs to know.

Somewhere in the distance is a remarkable truth.  

I'm imperfect. 

What do you see when you close your eyes?