The Lord had begun working in my heart even before I was approached with the invitation to go to Zimbabwe. It's funny, how He works. Aaron, Taylor and I had looked into going to Zimbabwe when we first heard of our church's involvement with the people there, 4 or 5 years ago. A team was preparing to go and help with Betty and Emmanuel's orphanage (http://www.oasisofgraceministries.org/) that year. After praying about it, we came to the conclusion that it wasn't the right time for us to go. Then, almost two years ago, C shared her vision with me...
and said that she believed God had given her my name as one of the women who would go and minister with her. Our finances have been tight for the past few years, and we simply don't have the freedom we had been accustomed to in the past, so, my internal response was, "I don't see how that's possible." I agreed to pray about it, wondering if this really was a call from the Lord. I went home and told Aaron about it, and said, "I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go, or not. We'll see what happens." Months went by without any more conversation about the trip. I would continue to pray about it, but, for the most part, set it on a shelf, and left it alone. Really, I was waiting to see if she meant what she said, and if the topic would again be initiated outside of my own "manipulation." I wanted to go, but I was waiting to hear from God that I was supposed to go. For a long time, I got nothing.
Eventually, C brought it up again. (I think it was about a year from the time she first brought it up.) I told her that I was waiting to see if she was serious; to which, I'm sure she laughed out loud. I hadn't, yet, felt the Lord assure me that this was His will, and that I was part of this team (the team of women who were to go), so I told her, again, that I would be praying about it. This time, more diligently.
I began a study with a group of friends, called Jesus - 90 Days with the One and Only, by Beth Moore. That was the beginning of May, 2010. It's amazing what happens when you commit to meeting with Jesus each and every day, and you have people holding you accountable. It was a wonderful adventure. The study is laid out as a sort of devotional journal with commentary throughout. By the end of the study, I had a renewed commitment to love Jesus with all of my heart. My final prayer was this...
"Father, I thank You for this journey. Thank You for calling me to it. Thank You for keeping me faithful. Lord, please help me to cooperate with You as You continue to change me. May my life be a reflection of Your glory that others would be drawn to You, too. I don't want my faith to be just something that I do. I know that's not what You want. I want it to be all that I am so that I can be used by You. I praise You, Lord!"
(see Part 2)
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