~oh, ashley... did you mean for the words of your song to speak to my heart as if they were the words of the Lord? that's what's happened tonight. in my despair, the Lord spoke to my heart with your words. He said, "All that you bring to the table is love. And that is so much. That is so much..." in response, my heart rested in Him as He brought more than enough to feed my empty soul. it is by His grace that i am what i am. and it is by His grace that i'm able to give to those who are most important in my life. ashley, thank you for the words of that song. and thank you for your continuing encouragement. you are a blessing, dear one. you are a blessing.~
I had watched the movie Spanglish, and the ending brought a huge realization. There was a stand-off between a mom and her daughter. The mom said, in her thick Spanish accent, "No space between us!" It was emotional and desperate and true. In that moment, I applied it to my relationship with my step-daughter. I wanted so much to be close with her. But I also knew that she was/is her mother's daughter. Not mine, by birth. Having been so in love with Ashley's song weeks before, it was hidden in my heart. And, at just the right time, the Lord used those words to minister to me as I bled, emotionally. I was called to love a child who was not my own. And I did. I was realizing that I had not been loving unconditionally. My expectations had gotten in the way. She was not my own. There were certain things I could expect - but a return on my investment, when I wanted it, was not one of them.
Love is a gamble that we take. And in the words of another poignant song... "It's never for nothing." Margaret Becker sang, "It's never for nothing, when you love with no return. It's never for nothing. You light your candle in the darkness. But it's never for nothing." Lord, help me to completely trust Your love. Help me to trust You. Please forgive my selfish piety. Help me to honor You from this day forward. Father, give me enough grace to share with others. Ashley sings, "All that You bring to the table is love, and that is so much. That is so much. (It really is) more than enough to feed us." Father, help me to be grateful for the love that You've given. Thank You for loving me. May I always be satisfied in You. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Now, that same daughter... my beautiful daughter... has her own precious little baby growing inside. Tatum is 26, and she's expected to give birth in July. I am so hugely blessed by the tender-loving relationship we share today. Her dad and I get texts within minutes of the news she gets concerning the baby. That's a closeness I never thought I'd have, back then... and one I cherish today! I love you, Tatum Marie!
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